The Seer Page 22

  “You’re exhausted.”

  He gave a short laugh. “I’ve still got plenty to do.” He stood. “How about some caf?”

  “Jolar, you need some rest.”

  “I’m not going to get any anyhow,” he said over his shoulder. “I need to fix the groundcar and stay awake in case you start having trouble.”

  “Jolar,” she protested. “I’m fine now. Really.”

  “Good,” he said, starting the caf. “Then you can keep me company while I search the rest of the place and figure out why the groundcar’s power cells are empty. I need to make a real assessment of our situation and make sure everything is locked down tight before I can think about sleep.” He nodded toward the computer. “That might have some interesting information for us too.”

  “We should start with that.”

  “No,” he said firmly. “We need to search the shelter. I need to figure out how to use those external weapons. Then groundcar. Then sleep. Then computer.”

  “I could do it,” Arissa offered.

  “That just has me standing around watching you. I already downloaded all the information on it to a datadisk. No, the computer search is for tomorrow. Let me get a cup of caf and something for this blasted headache then I’ll start with this room.”

  Jolar was very thorough and his search of the room took almost an hour. He took time to familiarize himself with the external defenses but he didn’t make any practice shots just in case there were anyone nearby to hear. Along with the weapons Jolar had uncovered a substantial amount of cash as well as another medkit.

  The kitchenette held only food and eating implements. The bathroom had a ‘fresher and shower, toiletries and towels.

  He had her rest on the bed while he searched the bedroom. There were clothes and bedding but not much else. The storage room held equipment, a valet unit to clean clothes and a number of tools to make repairs along with a back-up power generator.

  “Well,” Jolar said, sitting in the groundcar with the door open. “We aren’t going anywhere in this thing. I ramped up the power flow from the converter yesterday and still no charge.”

  “Danlen was so careful about everything in here. Why would he leave the groundcar uncharged?”

  Jolar stood and came to the back of the vehicle and made a sound of annoyance. “He didn’t. Look, one of the leads is burned out. That’s why I couldn’t get it to charge. The groundcar’s probably fine.”

  “How long?”

  “You mean if I find new leads to even get this thing charging?”

  “Yes.”

  “A few hours at least.”

  They made a search of the storage room and main shelter but there were no spares.

  “Maybe you should just do this tomorrow and just get some sleep,” she suggested.

  “I must look bad off.” He shook his head. “Now that I know what’s wrong I don’t want to leave us without a fast way out of here in case we need it. I’m going to try to either fix these or slap something together that will work. You can go rest if you’re tired.”

  She glanced at the door to the shelter’s main room. She should keep as much distance as possible between them.

  But he wanted her here.

  And she didn’t want to go.

  “Maybe I can help,” she said.

  Twenty-five

  Jolar had awakened first. It had taken two hours for him to jury rig a solution for the leads, another hour of fiddling to make sure it worked well enough for the groundcar to charge. He was asleep a few scant minutes after his head hit the pillow beside her.

  Arissa sat up, rubbing her eyes. He’d closed the door between the rooms and without a window or chrono she couldn’t say how long she’d slept.

  She reached out for him and found him nearby in the storage room, his mind busily occupied. From the weight and heft of his thoughts likely would be busy for a while.

  And that meant . . .

  She joined him in the storage room a short time later.

  “You weren’t supposed to shower without me there,” he said with a pointed look at her freshly washed and dried curls.

  “I feel fine and I knew you were working. How’s it going?”

  He sighed. “One of my improvised leads came lose while we were sleeping. I’ve fixed it but the groundcar is only at a quarter charge now.” He stood. “Since the shower’s free I’m going to get cleaned up too. Then breakfast?” He glanced at the chrono. “Or lunch?”

  Arissa smiled. “Both. I’m starving.”

  Arissa had the meal ready for them by the time he emerged from the bedroom.

  Taking in how she’d filled the table with food, he laughed. “Breakfast, lunch and dessert.”

  “I know you’re just as hungry,” she countered biting into the grimp toast.

  He grinned and reached for a baneberry biscuit. “Hey, I’m not complaining.”

  After a few mouthfuls she gave him an exasperated look. “Stop it.”

  He blinked. “Stop what?”

  “Watching me eat.”

  “I like watching you eat,” he said softly.

  Clearly he was neither embarrassed about getting caught nor intending to stop. Arissa put her head down, determined to ignore him and finish her eclectic meal despite his attention.

  At meal’s end she cleaned up while he made caf for himself and tea for her.

  He brought their drinks to the little sitting area. “How are you feeling?”

  “Fine.” She shifted her feet. It was so quiet here with no other minds humming in the background of her senses. For the first time ever she could sense only one mind.

  I know why it’s harder now. Harder here. We’re completely alone. No Bruscan, no servants, no fellow passengers or party guests. Just us.

  Feeling just him was like being immersed in warm, bright currents . . .

  Gods, I need something else to focus on!

  Arissa’s glance darted about and landed on the computer terminal. “Shouldn’t we get started going through the computer?”

  “I’ve already copied everything on that terminal to a data disk,” he reminded. “We can go through it when we get to Tano if we have to. And we’re not going anywhere without that groundcar fully charged. You have time to drink your tea, I promise.”

  She took a seat on one of the chairs. She picked up her tea to find he’d made it sweet and with extra spice the way she liked it.

  “How are you feeling?”

  “You just asked me that. Jolar, I feel absolutely fine.”

  “You’re sure? No headache? No dizziness?”

  “I’m sure,” she insisted, beginning to get annoyed.

  “Good,” he said. “Because we’ve missed two days of practice. Since you feel so absolutely fine, we can do it now.”

  She blinked. She was already overwhelmed by his closeness. The last thing she needed was to be actively touching his mind.

  “No, wait,” she stammered. “I really don’t think we need to continue practicing now—”

  His eyes flashed. “You mean now that we barely escaped the destruction and killing of everyone at the home we were staying at? Now that two of our suspects and the Zartani Councilor have been murdered? Because any abilities you might bring to the table are now extraneous?”

  “I’m a Seer whether I practice with you or not,” she hedged. “What I can do won’t vanish. I only wish it would.”

  “If you can honestly tell me that our practice has not made any difference in your skills, we can stop right now.”

  She looked away.

  “All right then,” he said when she didn’t respond. “Let’s start.”

  Her heart hammering she closed her eyes. She reached past his worries, the calmer settled sense of him, to his core . . .

  Her breath quickened, and a rush of heat ran through her center, her body responding as if it were actually against his.

  She broke off and turned her face away.

  “Are you all right?” he asked, conce
rn and worry rippling around her.

  “I guess I do have a headache after all,” she managed.

  “You’re lying.”

  Startled, she looked up. “No, I’m not. I’m—”

  “You’re lying,” he repeated. “Why?”

  “Maybe I just don’t want to do this right now,” she said, a note of resentfulness creeping into her voice. Why should she even fracking have to? Why should she be forced into bringing herself so close to someone she couldn’t have?

  “This is important,” he said evenly. “Unless you really are ill, in which case you’ll spend the remainder of the day in bed resting, you should get on with it.”

  She certainly didn’t want to spend the day in bed with nothing to distract her from her own unhappy thoughts and the torment of feeling Jolar nearby.

  It’s just for a few minutes.

  She swallowed. “All right.”

  She closed her eyes again and let her breath out. She felt him settle himself, prepare himself, and then she reached for him . . .

  Fire and the acrid smell of smoke. Have to find . . . please, I’ll do anything . . . The night sky spun above as the shuttles left and there on the ground, Cenon, her back a ruin of burns and blood. Herself deathly pale, so cold, Jolar crying out as he cradled her. Longing that never ceased. So close, he could gather her in his arms now, feel her warm and sweet against him, kiss . . .

  Gasping, Arissa stood. “I have to stop.”

  “Why?” he asked hoarsely. He stood too, blocking her retreat. “Because you can feel how much I want you?”

  “It doesn’t matter. We can’t—”

  His breath caught. “You want me too, don’t you? You want me.”

  “Of course I do!” she burst out. “Did you think I didn’t? That I could just turn off how I feel? That it isn’t agony to sleep next to you every night and not touch you?”

  “Do you still love me, Arissa?”

  She shut her eyes. If she looked at him she would shatter. None of her good, righteous intentions would mean a damn. What little self-respect she had left would be shredded. He’d see how close she was to giving anything just to be with him, taking whatever shadowed part of his life she could have.

  “I love you, Arissa.” His fingers whispered over the skin of her cheek. “My sweet one. My heart.”

  She could feel the waves of his love, his desire hot around her.

  “If you don’t love me anymore, tell me. I can’t hide my feelings from you, I know that, but I can promise I’ll never speak of how I feel again.”

  She looked up at him, at his pained blue eyes and her vision blurred.

  “I have to know. Do you still love me, Arissa?” he asked and his voice broke. “Do you?”

  “Yes,” she whispered and tears overflowed. “Gods, yes, I love you.”

  He made a soft choked sound, his whole being pulsing with sudden white-hot joy and then his mouth was on hers and nothing mattered but to be with him.

  He brought her by stumbling steps into the bedroom, clumsy with wanting too long denied.

  He was rough with his own clothes and shaky with hers. Arissa caught her breath at the shock of skin against skin as he caught her against him.

  Jolar’s mouth never left hers as his fingers stoked her center, groaning against her mouth to find her so ready for him. Then the cool fabric of the blankets was against her back and he was sliding inside her, his arms braced beside her head. Her hands were on the straining muscles of his back, his lips a few scant centimeters from hers, their breath joining as she moved against his rhythm.

  She bent her head, as he brought her to the brink, one, two more stokes and she cried out against the skin of his shoulder.

  “Sweet,” he managed, losing the smooth rhythm as she felt him spend within her.

  Still shaking, he brushed a kiss against her mouth then withdrew to collapse beside her.

  Arissa’s breath suddenly caught with a sob and she covered her face with her hands.

  “Don’t cry, love,” he said, pulling her close again. “It’s all right.”

  She shook her head. “We shouldn’t have done that,” Arissa wiped at her face. “It was wrong.”

  “No, it wasn’t.” His arms tightened around her. “I know what it’s like to fall on my knees in the dirt and believe I’ve lost you forever. I looked right at the long emptiness of my life without you and, by the gods, I’m never going to see that again.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “I won’t lose you. I can’t.”

  “I can’t be your mistress,” Arissa whispered. “It would be like this. The guilt, the heartache, for the rest of my life.”

  “No, you can’t be my mistress,” he agreed, cupping her cheek in his broad warm palm, his blue eyes serious. “Because I’m going to marry you.”

  Twenty-six

  She stared. “You can’t.”

  “Arissa, this is a genuine, though admittedly poorly executed, offer of marriage.” He raised his eyebrows. “Look, I’m not above begging but I’d rather not put you through being embarrassed for me like that. Just say yes now so I don’t have to.”

  “You already have a contract to marry, remember?”

  Jolar traced her jaw with his fingers. “Jasa deserves a husband who loves her. So I’m going break off our betrothal and let her go find him. In Tano, if she’s still there. On Zartan, if she’s not. I want to tell her in person, though. I owe her that much at least.”

  She shook her head. “Jolar, you’re a Zartani aristocrat. You can’t marry a commoner, an Apovian, let alone a—You can’t.”

  He gave a short, disbelieving laugh. “After all this you think I’m going to let a little thing like a death sentence stop us? You love me. I love you. ” He wound a ringlet around his finger, his mouth curving tenderly. “You’ve never seen me when I’m really determined. You might as well say yes now, Arissa, ‘cause I’m going to marry you.”

  “You can’t.”

  He put his elbow on the bed and propped his head on his hand to look at her. “I can. I will.”

  “You’re going to break the promise you made to your father on his deathbed? Go against all Zartani tradition? What about your honor?”

  “My heart, I’m going to spit in the face of a thousand generations of Zartani tradition and I’m not even sorry.” He gave a rueful smile. “There is no honor in lying, in pretending. That’s what I’d be doing if I married Jasa: lying. I’d be lying for the rest of my damned life. If my honor truly matters to me then ending a forced betrothal and making vows to the one I love is the only way to keep it truly intact. I’m going to do what I know is right, what I know is really honorable. Besides, it wasn’t two days ago I swore to the Goddess Arrena I would do anything to have you back. And you can bet if I break a promise to her the question of my honor will be the least of my problems.”

  She rubbed her hand over her eyes. “You don’t mean it.”

  “Is that what your Seer abilities tell you, sweet?”

  But he did. He meant every word.

  “What’s the matter?” He searched her face. “You don’t want to marry me?”

  She wet her lips. “No, I don’t.”

  He grinned. “Liar. Promise you’ll marry me. I’m not going to give up.”

  “Ask me after you’ve broken with her.”

  He regarded her with steady blue eyes and drummed his fingers lightly against her belly.

  At last gave a nod. “Fair enough. I’ll break with Jasa first.”

  “And we can’t—”

  He groaned and flopped onto his back, plainly anticipating what she was going to say. “No.”

  “You’re betrothed to someone else,” she said sharply.

  “Oh, fracking hell!” He scrubbed his face with his hands. “All right, but if the gods have any mercy in them, Jasa’s still in Tano and I won’t have to go all the way to Zartan to do this. Hold on—” His brow creased. “Can I still kiss you?”

  “You shouldn’t.”

  “I
’m going to take that as tacit permission.” His eyes lingered on her breasts then went lower, his smile hot. “Can I kiss you everywhere?”

  She gave him an exasperated look.

  He held up one hand. “Just clarifying the rules.” He gave her an appraising glance. “This is going to be even harder than sleeping next to you and thinking you don’t want me.”

  “Is that what you thought?” she asked, genuinely surprised.

  “You didn’t act like you wanted me.”

  “Because you’re betrothed to someone else!”

  He took her hand and gently pressed a kiss to her palm. “Not for long and I’m already cataloguing what I want to do once I’m officially free.” He grinned, his joy white hot. “You love me.”

  She ducked her head. “I shouldn’t.”

  “Well, I don’t deserve you, that’s not even a question,” he agreed. He slid closer to cradle her against him, his happiness warm and tingly around her. “I love you, sweet.”

  She rested her cheek against the smooth warm skin of his shoulder, while he stroked her back. His lips pressed against her temple, brushed her cheek, then lightly touched her mouth. He deepened the kiss, his fingers tracing lower to trace her breast, his breath quickening.

  “Jolar,” she pleaded, already more than a little breathless herself.

  Jolar made a low frustrated sound then rolled onto his back to look at the ceiling.

  “Well, lying here with both of us naked isn’t helping,” he grumbled. “So let’s go through that computer while the groundcar finishes charging. I want to get back to Tano as soon as we can.”

  A short time later Arissa settled next to Jolar at the computer terminal. She wrapped her hands around her teacup, trying to keep her mind from the feel of his thigh pressed against hers.

  “The good news,” Jolar began, “is the thing isn’t locked down by ID scan or password. It came online along with everything else.”

  “He didn’t lock it?” Arissa asked. “That seems pretty careless.”

  Jolar shrugged. “The shelter is likely only keyed to Cenon and Danlen’s palm prints and well-hidden. If Cenon came here alone he wouldn’t want to deny her access because she’d forgotten a password and he wouldn’t want anything to go wrong with a scan. She had immediate access to weapons, cash, medkits and a groundcar. Clearly she was more important to him than safeguarding any information he might have on this thing.”